Kaun ab kiska aitbar karey..

Life has wonderful ways of teaching you lessons. One thing that I have learnt in life is that everyone is alone. We might be living in family, neighbourhood, society, country and in the vast world…but each one of us is alone. We come together – do our bit (the task assigned by God to us) and then leave for our solitary journey. Each one of us has to learn our own set of unique lessons in our life.

One lesson that I have failed to learn is – never trust. Sab kuchh seekhaa humney naa sekhee hoshiaree…suchh hain duniya walon..hum hai anaree. One of my team members was going through a rough patch in job. I supported her. To make her feel better, I cited my examples how I am struggling in my team….trusting her as a friend.

Now I know she went to the management with her issues and she cited my issues (and I don’t know what all she said) to solidify her case. She created a scene and went off to home yesterday. When she left my Manager came to ask about my issues…well that was the last thing I wanted.  I told him I had nothing to escalate to Management.  I can handle my issues myself and I don’t need to go to Management to sort trivial things.  She comes back today as if nothing happened…can’t believe what happened.

Zindagi Kya Koi Nisaar Kare
Kaisey Iss Duniya Me Koi Dosti Kare
apna saya bhi apna dushman hai
kaun ab kiska aitbar kare…

Stabbed in back – again in life – thankfully not by same person (well ironic it is…I am thankful that I did not allow any one to stab me twice).  When will I learn not to trust people…

Four days later update – She is avoiding me. We are not talking to each other.


Sometimes I wish I was stay at home mum…

Sometimes I wish I was stay at home mum…

My mum has been a stay at home mum/ grand mum. We used to commute to school by school bus. Papa walked us to school bus stop in morning and Mum in afternoon. I remember the feeling in my heart to see her on the bus stop when we used to get down the bus. On our way back, I used to narrate the whole story to her.  What happened…why it happened.

This is kind of feeling I seen on my kids’ faces when I am at home (rarely) and they return from home. They missed out on so much:

  • Mum to pick them us from school.
  • Mum to prepare warm lunch for them.
  • Mum to take care of their lunch boxes, dresses when they return from school.
  • Mum to help them with their homework, and to tuition them.
  • Mum to cuddle them when they are tired.
  • Mum to get them ready so that they can go out and play in the park.
  • Mum to take care of all their appointments.

I am a bad mum…not able to do any of that stuff for them.

Its Maa’s birthday

माँ, मेरी माँ, प्यारी माँ, मम्मा

ओ माँ, मेरी माँ, प्यारी माँ मम्मा

हाथों की लकीरें बदल जायेंगी

ग़म की येः जंजीरें पिघल जायेंगी

हो खुदा पे भी असर

तू दुआओं का है घर

मेरी माँ मेरी माँ प्यारी माँ मम्मा

ओ माँ मेरी माँ प्यारी माँ मम्मा


जब ग़म-ए-इश्क़ सताता है तो हँस लेता हूँ…

jab gham-e-ishq sataataa hai to hans letaa hoon
jab gham-e-ishq sataataa hai to hans letaa hoon
haadsaa yaad ye aataa hai to hans letaa hoon

meri ujdi huyi duniyaa mein tamannaa kaa chiraagh
meri ujdi huyi duniyaa mein tamannaa kaa chiraagh
jab koyi aa ke jalaataa hai to hans letaa hoon
jab koyi aa ke jalaataa hai to hans letaa hoon

koyi daawaa nahin fariyaad nahin tanz nahin
koyi daawaa nahin fariyaad nahin tanz nahin
raham jab apne se aataa hai to hans letaa hoon
raham jab apne se aataa hai to hans letaa hoon
jab gham-e-ishq sataataa hai to hans letaa hoon

Random musing…

Its been almost 6 days since I had the fall. My back is very sore – almost frightening sore. I was worried about knees, but my knees are fine; but I guess the major impact of fall was on my back.

I guess that’s what age does to you – slows down the healing process. Sometimes when I realise I am getting old, I look back and feel I have wasted my life. I did not do anything spectacular in life – something that could make me stand out of the crowd. I regret I could not do anything worthwhile of fact that I am born as a human being and had enough resources to make it happen. Rather, I ended up doing everything for my own (and my family’s) sake. If only I could anything for others, I would have been really proud of myself.

I regret I did not study to be a doctor or a social worker…I would love to work for communities…if I could do anything to reduce someone’s pain and sufferings I would feel my life was worthwhile.

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall…

So kids of Humpty Dumpty are at home today – younger one sick and elder one (I guess too tired and lazy to go to school). Humpty Dumpty let her have her way. Yesterday Humpty Dumpty was also boasting about a great smart bracelet her husband had got her. She loved it and was thinking of gifting one for her brother as well.

BUT today, Humpty Dumpty was running after the train and slipped and fell face down. It was a classic fall….when your hands are stretched out and you are down…face down on the railway platform. The layers of clothes save you and your wrist is saved by that smart bracelet (which gets smashed as you have a stupid habit of wearing it with dial inside your wrist). The watch had to go…both the palms ae very sore and the knees as well.

The train driver waited. There was a man who stepped down to ask…you fine and then Humpty Dumpty nodded, got up, braved her instant tears, and boarded the train. Humpty Dumpty thanked the man and sat….drew a deep breath. She felt she would faint for a sec. So she changed her seat to a secluded seat and composed herself.

Humpty Dumpty checked her jewelry. All OK. Then she called her husband, told him all the story and cried….there was a very young girl (first aid officer) in the train who saw Humpty Dumpty crying. She asked Humpty Dumpty if her knees and wrists are fine. She was lovely and made Humpty Dumpty move her knees and writs.

In the office, one of the colleagues lent hot/cold pack to keep on knees. Knees are pretty sore at the time…

Why…Humpty Dumpty…whats the pressure…why can you not just relax? Next train would have been there in 15 minutes…just 15 minutes. Is all this worth those 15 minutes (though you have stupid 9 hours of fucking flexi hours accumulated)…you smashed your watch and risked breaking your knee or wrist. Why the anxiety…Mind you if you break a bone at this age it is going to be permanent and nobody…fucking nobody will be there to help you out or care for you. Idiot!

Two hours later update – Humpty Dumpty feels brave 😀

Girte hain shahsawar hi maidaan-e-jung mei
Woh tifl kya girenge jo ghutno ke bal chale…

Hmmm Humpty Dumpty… you are incorrigible!!