Trying to avoid the inevitable

For the past few years, I had stopped sharing details of my everyday struggle with my Mum and Dad. I feel they are at the last phase of their lives and I don’t want them to have a feeling that I am struggling. They should feel content that I am fine and happy in my life.

When they planned to come to Australia, I was praying to God that they shouldn’t witness a normal routine arguments of my household. M arguing with kids, kids within themselves, kids with me and all. Argument is like staple diet for us. But that’s not a normal for my parents. They never get into heated discussions. But we do.

But 2.5 months is a long time and they have already witnessed a couple of them. My Dad looks worried and my Mum also looks a bit sad. I know secretly they feel the pressure I am under…something my family does not realise. After all I am their flesh and blood…they would have pain for me. Why would anyone else have…

Miracles of my Master

Time and again my Master’s miracles have touched my life. Today was another testimony of this presence around me.

It happened that I have joined a new job. Upon joining I came to know it may take up to 6 weeks for my laptop to arrive. So I had to come to office for last two weeks. I was a bit sad – no I was very sad as when I was working from home, I could see my parents during lunch time. Be around them. A couple of times I cried. Above that I came to know that my Manager had put in request just last Friday. I was sure that by the time I will start working from home,my parents will be ready to fly back.

Guess what – I got my laptop within 4 days of ordering. Everyone in my department are shocked. They can’t believe it…but I know deep in my hearts. My master knew how much I needed this.

एक शिष्य ने बहुत प्यारी बात कही:—
जब आप हमारी ‘शँका’ दूर करते हैँ तब आप “शँकर” लगते हैँ

जब ‘मोह’ दूर करते हैँ तो “मोहन” लगते हैँ
जब ‘विष’ दूर करते हैँ तो “विष्णु” लगते हैँ
जब ‘भ्रम’ दूर करते हैँ तो “ब्रह्मा” लगते हैँ
जब ‘दुर्गति’ दूर करते हैँ तो “दुर्गा” लगते हैँ
जब ‘गरूर’ दूर करते हैँ तो
“गुरूजी” लगते हैँ
इसीलिए तो कहा है।
।।गुरुर्ब्रह्मा गुरुर्विष्णु गुरुर्देवो महेश्वर:
गुरु साक्षात् परब्रम्ह तस्मे श्री गुरुवे नमः।।

कुछ और ज़माना कहता है कुछ और है ज़िद्द मेरे दिल की

This song states my elder one’s thinking. M and she have been struggling on her long distance relationship. Her attitude is like below:

कुछ और ज़माना कहता है कुछ और है ज़िद्द मेरे दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है कुछ और है ज़िद्द मेरे दिल की
मैं बात ज़माने की मानूँ या बात सुनूँ अपने दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है

दुनिया ने हमें बेरहमी से ठुकरा जो दिया अच्छा ही किया
ठुकरा जो दिया अच्छा ही किया
नादान हम समझे बैठे थे नादान हम समझे बैठे थे
निभती है यहाँ दिल से दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है

इनसाफ़ मुहब्बत सच्चाई इनसाफ़ मुहब्बत सच्चाई
वो रहम ओ क़रम के दिखलावे
कुछ कहते ज़ुबाँ शरमाती है कुछ कहते ज़ुबाँ शरमाती है
पूछो न जलन मेरे दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है

जो बस्ती है इन्सानों की इन्सान मगर ढूँढे न मिला
इन्सान मगर ढूँढे न मिला
पत्थर के बुतों से क्या कीजिये पत्थर के बुतों से क्या कीजिये
फ़रियाद भला टूटे दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है कुछ और है ज़िद्द मेरे दिल की
मैं बात ज़माने की मानूँ या बात सुनूँ अपने दिल की
कुछ और ज़माना कहता है

Things a Mum does…

More than 5 weeks have passed out of 11 weeks I have with Mum and Dad 😫. I have recently changed job and am needed to be in office all days. At the same time, my usual struggle with M and elder one continues.

But there are few things that I can see…small things that my Mim does which my Mum-in-law would never do. They say that daughters-in-law differentiate betwee their parents and parents-in-law. No, it’s not true. This differentiation starts from their end. Why I can never regard my Mum-in-law as my mother, because she never wanted me to be her daughter. She wanted a daughter-in-law who could do all the duties of a daughter-in-law. Not a daughter whom she could love like a daughter.

Love is a bargain…you need to give love to be able to receive one. Why is the concept of loving our parents-in-law is imposed on women when they do not receive any love, affection in return.

My Mum has been getting up every morning so that she can spend sometime with me before I leave. Also she helps me out in kitchen. Something that I never expect out of her. She can see I am tired, tensed up or feeling low. This is something that my mum-in-law never commented. It was as if she was oblivious of the fact that I got tired. One day my Mum brought her mobile and clicked a photo of me when I was ready to eave for work. She said I looked great. I feel looked at, loved. Something I miss with them…even with M and kids. Anyone reading this would feel I am selfish…but am I? Isn’t being loved and cared for our basic right?

I am thankful to God that I am given this time with them…with Maa and Papa. I am going to miss them like hell, I know 💔😔

एक गुल्लक रख रखी है मैंने…

एक गुल्लक रख रखी है मैंने
अपने सिरहाने
बड़ी सी…
रोज रात को सोने से पहले
भर देती हूं उसमें
दिन भर का दर्द,
किसी के ताने, किसी के उलाहने,
किसी के लिए जलन
और किसी के प्रति गुस्सा,
सब ही समाहित हो जाते हैं
उस गुल्लक में
और यूं ख़ाली हो जाती हूं मैं,
खो जाती हूं , सुंदर सपनों में।
जब भी दिल भारी होता है
उडे़ल कर सब बोझ
उस गुल्लक में
हल्की हो जाती हूं मैं !
एक और गुल्लक भी है मेरे पास
उसमें जमा करती हूं मैं दुआएं,
रोज सुबह उसमें से कुछ दुआएं
निकालती हूं..
दिन भर खर्चती हूं
फिर डरती हूं कि कहीं गुल्लक
ख़ाली न हो जाए।
भरती हूं दिन प्रतिदिन उसे
लोगों की दुआओं से
कि आड़े वक्त यही तो काम आएंगी!!!!❤️

Hustle, bustle for next 2 months

My parents reached Australia yesterday. I am meeting them after 2.5 years. They have aged so much. This morning M and I were discussing on our breakfast that they have aged so much. Mum looks so much tinier and Dad looks so lost and tired. It aches my heart to see them struggle when they get up, move and hear (for my Dad).

At the same time, our household has suddenly come to life. Suddenly we have an urge to leave our room, mobiles and be out with them. Today she made the younger one eat 2 chapattis with Aaloo Gobhee (potatoes with cauliflower)…something my younger would never eat. She made me eat my lunch (which I often skip). Yea, mu Mum is my lifeline and my Dad is the essence of my being…my Dad has a huge part in building my character.

Charlie has gone berserk. All he wants to do is circle around Mum and give my Dad kisses. He comes and licks my Dad’s face even before Papa realises. He can probably smell me in them and he knows they are family.

Are we still living in 20th century?

This afternoon, I had to drop the elder one to her college. She had big bags of plaster of Paris and concrete that she needed for her project and couldn’t carry on public transport.

On our way, she started venting about the fact that she is unable to enjoy her life. The fact that we don’t allow her to go to clubs, night-out with friends, road trips and all. The fact that we still question her about her assignments, way she dresses the way she does, the food she prefers, etc. She commented that we are probably looking to impose restrictions that were applicable to children in 1980s.

At first I tried to reason with her; but then I went silent. I let her express her frustration. She was fine by the time I dropped her. On my way back, I thought are we really in 1980s.

But in 1980s, our parents weren’t worried that they didn’t know anything about what’s going on in their children’s life, there were no strangers lurking behind computers, there were no drugs in schools and no date rapes. I totally understand her frustration as she sees her friends enjoying and she can’t.

What she can’t understand is the concern behind these restrictions. Who wants to see your child sulking? I dread the moment she comes out of her room excited with a new idea and query. I hate saying no to her. I trust her completely; but not the world outside. She is too precious for me to take chances with. Having said that I pick her up from her Uni in midnight; from her Uni get togethers and friends’ birthday parties at midnight. But where I am comfortable with her safety. Road trips…no not all. With someone of her age not at all.

So is 21st century better than 20th century…I don’t know. I know in 1980s my whole world was in my parents. I was a very happy child…content being in my home. My whole life was study, eat and sleep…but I smiled a way more than I see her smiling. I feel guilty and often question our parenting…makes me sad.


Visit to a Pakistani Restaurant

This weekend, M shared link of a Pakistani restaurant. For long, I wanted to try out their cuisine. I and kids agreed and we went there yesterday. My daughter and I wore western dresses…didn’t even think otherwise.

The ambience was very different from what we are used to. We looked very different and eyes from all the tables were set on us. All the women in the restaurant had Hijab on; or they had their scarf on their head. My daughter and I were in western clothes, which made us look like outsiders. This made kids very uncomfortable and they started insisting for us to leave. But M encouraged them to stay on.

When food was served, we loved it. As we indulged into food, I could say their guards lowered and they loved the food. The servers were polite and we came to know that a young chef is the owner. Before we left, we complimented the food.

I must say one thing though…we say we were the same. But we aren’t any more. We were clearly the outsiders there. Our countries have now drifted apart.

Garbage Can

When it comes to doing something in your life, we should take clues from the phrase ‘Garbage Can’ synonymously used for garbage bins.

When even garbage can (as opposed to cannot), then why can’t we. Each one of us can add our contribution to kindness and positivity in the world.

E.g. yesterday I was in office, when S called. I was surprised to see her call as she knows its my working hours. She was very happy as she has been promoted. Why did she call me…as I always encouraged her to reach out for better roles…If my words of positivity helped her improve her career, just imagine if we all decide to be spread positivity in the world…how beautiful this world would be…