India trip – Last week

This trip has been quite adventurous. We had just recovered from elder one’s sickness when we decided to celebrate the younger one’s birthday at a hotel. It was a good party of around 55 people and we danced all the evening.

Next week, my younger one was irritating my mums pet dog and was severely bitten by him 🤷‍♀️😔😔. And then started a series of injections and post care. He had hardly recovered when he ate something from the street, and now, for the past 4 days, he is down with food poisoning. It has been hardly a vacation for me.

But I still choose to see the positives. The elder one is recovering and has lost around 9 kgs. She is doing OK. M has reconciled with his elder brother. We invited him over to the party, and he graced the occasion open heartedly. When he got a bit drunk, he confessed that he missed us all terribly 💕. Today, we are going over to his place for dinner.

Last 4 days, and my heart is heavy. Our parents are getting very old, and it would tear my heart apart to leave them behind. But my tears are only for me to know.

Fever scare followed by weakness

On our visit to M’s sister, my elder one who is already recuperating after a bariatic surgery contracted fever. The fever went really high, which she tus in panic mode. We rushed her to the hospital where surgery was performed. The surgeon saw her and checked whether the fever was due to any infection. It was not. It was a viral fever. But the fever was high. After 3 days and 2 nights, the fever subsided. Thankfully. But the fever has made her really weak. It pains my heart to see her like this. She has already lost some weight and is looking so good, but very pale.

Brother – sister bond

That’s always a sore point for me. I love my brother to the core of my heart. But he and M don’t get along  with him. This has always stressed me out.

Today, we are at M’s sister’s place, and my heart gets sad when I see their bond. His face is beaming, and his voice is so happy. Part of me thinks that he is able to enjoy this relationship as I have always been supportive of his relationship. I wonder if he could enjoy so much if I was sulking and hyper critical of their relationship. He always tests my loyalty and competes with my brother for my affection; not realising that both relationships are equally dear and how much stress it puts on me. I am never able to enjoy my stay with my parents freely as I feel that I am constantly scrutinised and judged.

My brother is also distant this time. I don’t know what his thought process is. But I have a little cry every time I am in the toilet. Hurt, but smiling for the world.

Meanwhile, the elder one is recovering. There are ups and downs. Today was a difficult day.

On way to Dera

The elder one is recovering well from her surgery. It will take some time for the trauma to settle down for me. It’s scary…putting your child’s life at risk. I chose this for better quality of her life, and I hope that it turns out to be so. But she is happy. She is still in pain, but she is very happy.

Today is full moon day, and we are going to our native place. A countryside/ village where our master (Gurujee) resided. As usual, we are late. But we had to complete a few chores before leaving.

One of the beautiful memories is getting Jaggery (Gud/ shakkar) from the roadside. Made from sugarcane, these stalls come up in winter that sell jaggery. Amazing.

We reached around 12:30. The Langar had already started. Met our sangat there. A day very well spent.

She is in pain…

Everyone in the ICU was moved when she cried this morning when she saw me. It is painful. They say key hole surgery is easy. It is not…the pain she has is immense. Especially in shoulders and stomach. She is unable to lie down. Tomorrow, hopefully, will be a better day.

That wait…

Elder one got bariatic surgery this morning. I have been crying since yesterday. She is right now in ICU, and man, she is giving a hard time to the doctors in the ICU.  Asking questions and complaining about pain. I almost see myself in her. While M had to be away….she asked for him. I am all by myself in the private room. I visit her every hour, but it’s difficult to see your child like that. I just want her to be fine. The wait is on.

India trip – Day 1

Day 1 – We reached home at 6 AM in the morning. By 10 AM, we were out on the roads – meeting M’s parents, going to local MC office (which was closed due to state government holiday), went to bank, got local SIM, go to eSpampark,etc. People here think its winters here…while I am feeling so hot. I feel nauseated when I see people in jackets and woollens. Pollution is putting so much pressure on my skin and eyes. 

The air travel was tough again. My headache started, but then I took Diazapam (that my local GP had prescribed).  I could sleep for some hours. The immigration procedure took very long, and we faced the usual taxi woes. At the moment, sitting in the car and waiting for M.

Such life in the market

We are grandparents!

No…not one of my kids! M’s niece has been blessed by twin girls, and M and I are now officially grandparents ❤️. We called M’s brother (father of the young lady blessed with girls) and his wife. Yes, there were tense undertones as it’s been 4 years now since the family issues happened. But we did what was the right thing to do, though not an easy one. I had vowed not to take the first step any more…but the moment I heard the news and saw M struggling to make that call, I called her (my sister-in-law).

I don’t know how we humans manage to complicate such beautiful relationships…

As far as lay-off is concerned….not heard anything as of yet. But the danger looms.

Potential lay-off

Lay-off seems to be the flavour of the month. News of layoffs are all over in LinkedIn. I have seen three lay-offs in my career. The first time I knew it was coming and the last two times it was unexpected. It hurt equally all three times. I still remember each moment of that day crying while driving.

It seems to be round the corner in the current job as well. Well, that’s ok. Financially, we are fine. But, I don’t want to go through the same drill again…resume, interviews, and the adjusting in new environment.

Let’s see how this turns out to be 😐

Dil dhoonta hai…(Heart longs for…)

Today is one of those days when my heart longs for a lazy, free afternoon when I call my best friend that I am going over to her place. We sit together, eat, talk and laze around…have endless rounds of chai…go and get samosa. We used to meet everyday…yet we could chat for hours altogether. There were so many days like those…there were no family responsibilities and no worries. I miss her.

I am tired today…mentally and physically. For the past two evenings, the elder one is coming home late. I am almost sleep deprived. Yesterday, M threw a fit as he thinks she has made it a habit. There was an argument with her on phone as she wanted to stay in Uni even later and wanted to come on her own. I was so exhausted…usually I go to pick her up myself. Yesterday, I made him come along. Like why should I be the one to see her sulk. It was raining badly and then at 11:15, the moment she sat in the car, she adamantly said she wanted KFC. Like your mother is sleep deprived for two days and you now need KFC. I was almost close to tears. I know how difficult it was to get up this morning.

It’s a never ending longing…I will never ever meet anyone like her…will never ever get to spend time with her.